1 00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,969 ( '50s rock music playing ) 2 00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,968 - what are you doing? - I'm waxing the floor. 3 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:40,305 It's nice to know That every time I take Some responsibility, 4 00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:42,674 I move a step closer To my promotion. 5 00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,676 You're on the road To the top. 6 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:47,346 And I don't care who I step on to get there. 7 00:00:47,348 --> 00:00:49,348 Well, nice job, harry. 8 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,617 Ha! Floor's so shiny, I can see up my own dress. 9 00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,888 That's enough. 10 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,823 Sally-- 11 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:05,097 - you touched my radio. - no, I didn't. 12 00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:07,332 Yes, you did. I always leave it tuned 13 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,334 To big country 902.1. 14 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,836 I turned it on, and out Came mucho salsa 106. 15 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,839 Well, you used my leg razor To shave your stupid face. 16 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,276 That's because the delicate Handle is easier to grip. 17 00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:19,178 Listen, mr. Anal, I am sick-- 18 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:22,181 Hey! Am I gonna have To separate you two? 19 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:26,518 All we seem to do is argue Ever since we came here. 20 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,888 - I don't want to talk about it. - we studied nine galaxies In perfect harmony. 21 00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:32,057 And we didn't leave Scuff marks. 22 00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,228 We seem to be annoyed With each other. 23 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:39,598 And as fascinating As that is, it's Irritating as hell. 24 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,367 - sally? - I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. 25 00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:44,836 I just got a shooting pain In my head when you Began to speak. 26 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:46,838 August finds us Quite charming 27 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,040 In our naive determination To stay together. 28 00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:52,043 You tell your little Girlfriend august To mind her own business. 29 00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:56,014 - yeah, and don't drink Out of the milk carton. - ( spits ) fine. 30 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,383 Look at this. We're failing here. We're a family. 31 00:01:58,385 --> 00:02:01,120 We're supposed To be getting along. We've got to work on this. 32 00:02:01,122 --> 00:02:04,156 Could you please Take this argument Off my linoleum floor? 33 00:02:04,158 --> 00:02:06,191 - come off it, harry. - harry, you know what? 34 00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:09,461 I'll give you your promotion If you don't say "Really" In the next two minutes. 35 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,762 - really? - you lose. 36 00:02:10,764 --> 00:02:12,764 Dick, she tricked me. 37 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,933 I don't want To talk about it! 38 00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,803 Well, I guess 39 00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:21,406 I just can't have Nice things. 40 00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,292 ( screams ) 41 00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,962 - what are you doing Under my desk? - sleeping. 42 00:02:43,964 --> 00:02:47,466 - why? - because the top of your Desk is hard and cold. 43 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,701 You do have a bed At home, don't you? 44 00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,770 Yes, but I can't Stand my house. 45 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,605 It's filled with... 46 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,641 Family. 47 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:59,545 - if I lived with my brother, It wouldn't last a week. - you have a brother? 48 00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:01,547 That's great. Tell me about him. 49 00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:04,349 Well, he hasn't quite Gotten settled yet. 50 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,485 I don't think he's Met the right woman, 51 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:09,721 Not that women are Put off by him. Well, some are. 52 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:14,059 - most are. - what does he do? 53 00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:16,061 Something different Every year. 54 00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,730 Right now he's Restoring houses. I have a picture of him. 55 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,567 - is this him? What a gut. - no, that's my mother. 56 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:26,638 - that's roy. - why don't you call him? I'd like to meet him. 57 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,907 - we don't get together much. - you don't get along? 58 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:31,076 - no, it's just hard. - does he live far away? 59 00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,078 From my house? 60 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,581 Three, four blocks. 61 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:39,050 - so you choose to have Nothing to do with him. - that's not true. 62 00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,885 - you don't see him. - not very much. 63 00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,722 - but you'd like To see him? - n-not very much. 64 00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:46,758 - then you don't want to have Anything to do with him. - I didn't say that. 65 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,993 - well, why don't You call him? - fine, I'll call him. 66 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:51,830 - yes! - we've been meaning To get together. 67 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:54,833 - I'll ask him to drop by. - wonderful. 68 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,969 And when he gets here, Just act normal. 69 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,971 I'd ask you To do the same, 70 00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,474 But I'm afraid That ship has sailed. 71 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:05,844 hello. roy? 72 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,284 Tommy, would you sign My worksheet? 73 00:04:12,286 --> 00:04:14,286 Sure. What Did you do? 74 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,888 Well, I pre-peeled All these bananas 75 00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,823 For eating ease. 76 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,894 - well, good job, harry. - yeah. 77 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,863 mangia. mangia. 78 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,800 Now I know Why I like you, tommy. 79 00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,002 You're always Supportive and patient With your family. 80 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:34,105 Just the kind Of guy I am. 81 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,008 You spend a lot of time Taking care of other People's needs, 82 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,811 - except mine. - yeah, well-- 83 00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:43,047 Wait, am I in trouble? How did I get in trouble? 84 00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,717 You're not in trouble. We're in trouble. 85 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,052 I really hope we Don't have to break up. 86 00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:50,389 Break up? We're not-- When did we break up? 87 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:53,558 I think it would be good If we focused more On each other. 88 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,828 I'll show you focused. Let's go to a movie Friday night. 89 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,130 - I don't know. - august, please. Please? 90 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,700 - you're so needy. - I'm sorry. 91 00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,638 No, I like that In a man. 92 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,112 No, sally, I will Not apologize. 93 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:16,247 - and let me Tell you what-- - ( dial tone ) 94 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,183 Hello? Hello-- 95 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,788 ( line rings ) 96 00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:26,124 Sally, I am the high Commander, and you are Not allowed to hang up on-- 97 00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:28,126 ( dial tone ) 98 00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,061 Hello? 99 00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:34,599 - ( line rings ) - sally? 100 00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:43,608 Dr. Solomon, this Is my brother roy. 101 00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:46,110 Whoa! Your head Is huge. 102 00:05:46,112 --> 00:05:48,112 Oh, thank you. 103 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,215 - enormous! - it's a pleasure To meet you. 104 00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:52,217 How do you get Any work done 105 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,353 With all these 18-year-old butts Waving in your face? 106 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,855 I try, I try. 107 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,890 - so, tell me All about yourself. - well... 108 00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:02,427 I mean, it must Be fascinating Restoring houses. 109 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:06,465 I don't restore houses. I sell vinyl siding. 110 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,034 I think you Underestimate the effect 111 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,371 Vinyl has on houses. 112 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:15,974 Listen to her. She's always bragging On me 'cause she loves me, 113 00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,976 - 'cause she's My monkey girl. - don't do the monkey girl-- 114 00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,712 Aren't you The monkey girl? No, you're the monkey girl. 115 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,681 - you want to hear The monkey sound? - please. 116 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:25,083 Please, not the monkey sound! No-- ow! No, stop. 117 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,085 Ah, ah, ah, ah! 118 00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:29,721 This is wonderful. Playful sibling aggression. 119 00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,723 It's fantastic. Please continue. 120 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:34,158 Mary: no-- ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! 121 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:37,061 You must be roy. We've spoken. 122 00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:39,531 - I'm nina. - hey! It's nice To finally meet you. 123 00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:41,800 Nice to meet you, too. 124 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:45,236 Gosh, you don't sound Black on the phone. 125 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:48,407 It's just something I picked up in spy school. 126 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:51,877 Ooh, he's nice. 127 00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:55,013 I have a great idea. 128 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:58,349 Why don't the two of you Come over for dinner Tonight at 7:00? 129 00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,652 - no, no, no, no. - yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 130 00:07:00,654 --> 00:07:04,255 - I think the monkey Might want to go. - yes, yes, yes! 131 00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:07,292 Oh, wonderful. Roy, you are The perfect brother. 132 00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,795 This is the guy you said Was a pompous ass? 133 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,998 That's me. 134 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,557 Sally, the albrights will Be here any minute now. 135 00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,993 This is a special occasion. Where's the salmon mousse, 136 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,595 The duck terrine, The smoked chub? 137 00:07:46,332 --> 00:07:48,332 You know, dick, 138 00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,735 I have a cleaver In my hand. 139 00:07:50,737 --> 00:07:53,337 I got a date With august. Don't wait up. 140 00:07:53,339 --> 00:07:55,339 Oh, no. No, no. 141 00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,341 Dr. Albright And her brother 142 00:07:57,343 --> 00:07:59,510 - are coming To dinner tonight. - so? 143 00:07:59,512 --> 00:08:01,679 You've got to see Them together. 144 00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:04,249 They're just... Adorable. 145 00:08:04,251 --> 00:08:07,852 Their relationship Is everything that Our family's isn't. 146 00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,921 Well, then you just Take good notes 147 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:13,958 Because tonight is my chance To get into braville. 148 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,795 You can go to braville Some other time. 149 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:19,597 Mary: hello! is it safe to come up? 150 00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:21,599 Come on up! Come on up! 151 00:08:21,601 --> 00:08:24,402 Welcome, Albright children. 152 00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:27,872 Oh, allow me To take your coats. 153 00:08:27,874 --> 00:08:31,710 Dick, make a note of it. I am taking initiative And their coats. 154 00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,644 Good for you, harry. 155 00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:37,381 That's my brother Harry, 156 00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:39,550 And this is tommy, My son. 157 00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:42,020 Hey, partner! How're you doin'? 158 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,623 Hey, what's that? A quarter? 159 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,793 Oh, I get it. You're trying to Impress a youngster 160 00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:52,563 With what you think Is a mystifying feat Of trickery. 161 00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,565 He's a smart one, This one. 162 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:57,135 Cut your hair. You look like a girl. 163 00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,303 Here. Sit down. 164 00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:03,141 Everybody just make Yourselves comfortable. Let me have that. 165 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,977 - can I have A glass of that now? - harry, take the wine. 166 00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:08,212 Wine taken. 167 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,214 Jordan h. Almonds! 168 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,784 You are one Beautiful woman. 169 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,853 Why does Every man I meet 170 00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,856 Have to remind me of that Like I'm going to forget? 171 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:21,259 Sally, as siblings, 172 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,427 Roy and mary Are fun-loving 173 00:09:23,429 --> 00:09:25,997 And playful. 174 00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,299 You know, mary and I are Thick as thieves. 175 00:09:28,301 --> 00:09:30,301 Monkey, remember the time 176 00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:33,237 Mom found all my "Playboys," And you said they were yours, 177 00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:36,174 And you had to spend Two years in therapy? 178 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,243 Harry, come on in here. 179 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,713 Let's all, uh... Be sociable. 180 00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:43,882 - here-- - I was sitting there. 181 00:09:43,884 --> 00:09:45,884 Just-- Just relax. 182 00:09:45,886 --> 00:09:49,287 Interact naturally. 183 00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,992 Okay, roy, I'll tell you what. 184 00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:56,394 Why don't you start Things off by telling us 185 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,529 Some amusing family story? 186 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,665 Well, I don't know How amusing this is, 187 00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:04,002 But this is the most Amazing thing that Ever happened to me. 188 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:07,739 No one wants to hear Your stupid story. 189 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:12,476 No, I think they do want To hear my stupid story. 190 00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:14,445 No, they don't. 191 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,982 Yes, they do want To hear my stupid story. 192 00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:20,985 Dick: this is fascinating. roy, roy, roy! 193 00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:23,988 Please continue. 194 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:27,125 You're going to think I'm crazy, but... 195 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,293 I was once... Abducted 196 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,295 By an alien spacecraft. 197 00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:36,101 ( groans ) 198 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,742 Excuse us. 199 00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:45,877 Mary: you promised you wouldn't talk about that. 200 00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,113 I promised I wouldn't talk About your chin implant. 201 00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:50,882 No, no, no! We're not killing anyone. 202 00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:02,927 Spacecraft, you say? 203 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,035 Roy: I guess a layman 204 00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:13,171 Would call it An abduction, 205 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,874 But what those space people Did to me that night 206 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,943 Was more of A spiritual kidnapping. 207 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,182 Yeah, right, 208 00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,485 Aliens traveled billions Of light years through space 209 00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,487 To ram a probe 210 00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,555 Up roy albright's butt. 211 00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:36,427 Tell us about The space people, roy. 212 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,997 I'm driving along the road One night really late, 213 00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,399 And then I pull off Into this cornfield. 214 00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:43,634 And then all of a sudden, 215 00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:45,970 I see this rip In the atmosphere. 216 00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:48,406 And then hovering Right over my head 217 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,910 Is this giant Hovering thing. 218 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,515 It was A weather balloon. 219 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:04,488 Except weather balloons Don't poke you in the eyes With needles. 220 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,160 Well, that doesn't sound Like anyone we know. 221 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,064 I mean... 222 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:15,433 we know. 223 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:19,003 - go on. - I'm in the spaceship, 224 00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:21,405 And I'm surrounded By all this... 225 00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,774 - foam? - exactly. 226 00:12:23,776 --> 00:12:25,776 Roy, you were never In a spaceship. 227 00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:28,446 I was in a spaceship And I have the scars To prove it! 228 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:31,349 Roy lewis albright, If you have one decent Bone in your body, 229 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:34,518 You will not Do this to me. 230 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:36,955 So, anyway, You can see where... 231 00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,057 That's it, no more. I need some air. 232 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,760 - dr. Albright! - let her go, dick. Go on, roy. 233 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,195 The next thing I know, I'm being sucked up 234 00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,297 Inside this big hose. 235 00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,366 - sally: the big hose? - the big hose. 236 00:12:50,436 --> 00:12:52,871 Dick: Roy, will you excuse us? 237 00:12:57,677 --> 00:13:00,145 - sally: Now we have to kill him. - you are overreacting. 238 00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,345 Dick, He could turn us in. 239 00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:03,114 Do you really want To be the subject 240 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,050 Of some alien autopsy show On the fox network? 241 00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,052 You're jumping To conclusions. 242 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,155 And fox is Not a network. 243 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,858 We don't have All the facts yet. 244 00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:17,428 - I'm in charge of security, And I say we kill him. - I am the high commander, 245 00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,463 And I'm putting This decision on hold. 246 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,333 I'm going to Check on dr. Albright. You go entertain roy! 247 00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,038 I'll pull a quarter Out of his ear. 248 00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:31,843 I'll pull his brain Out of his ear. 249 00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:35,013 - you all right? - yeah. 250 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:38,116 I'm sorry about roy. I told him not To tell that story, 251 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:41,352 - but he never does Anything I ask. - that's sally all over. 252 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:44,722 It's hard being the oldest. They think we're trying To run their lives. 253 00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:47,391 When all we're trying To do is control them. 254 00:13:49,296 --> 00:13:51,296 Do you think that roy... 255 00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:54,632 Actually was... Abducted by aliens? 256 00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:56,634 No, 257 00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,804 But I prayed for it Every night as a kid. 258 00:13:59,806 --> 00:14:01,806 What about you? 259 00:14:01,808 --> 00:14:04,709 Do you think there's Intelligent life up there? 260 00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,711 There? ( laughs ) 261 00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:08,947 No, not there. 262 00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:11,883 There. 263 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:15,486 - dick, can I talk To you for a second? - can't you see I'm busy? 264 00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,655 Okay, let me Rephrase this. 265 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,524 ( pointed ) Dick, can I talk To you for a second? 266 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,329 Excuse me. 267 00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,734 - this had better be important. - I don't know if it's Important or not, 268 00:14:29,736 --> 00:14:32,737 - but you know that cornfield Down by the interstate? - yes. 269 00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,606 Sally took roy There to kill him. But sorry to interrupt. 270 00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,608 Oh, damn! 271 00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:40,044 She's willfully Disobeying my orders. 272 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:42,780 And in a cornfield? That's such a cliché. 273 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,886 So, hey, the kids went Down to the cornfield To have a little fun. 274 00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:50,889 - let say we join them. - I don't want to go To a cornfield. 275 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,192 Maybe the monkey wants To go to a cornfield. 276 00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,861 - what? - does the monkey want To go to a cornfield? 277 00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,863 Don't you dare. 278 00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,799 - all right, All right, all right! - good, let's go! 279 00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,701 Hello? 280 00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:06,404 - august? - we had a date tonight. 281 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,739 Cornfield time. 282 00:15:13,078 --> 00:15:16,013 Either you go with him And live his life, 283 00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,115 Or you come with me And live yours. 284 00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,184 But he needs me. 285 00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:22,186 Fine. 286 00:15:22,188 --> 00:15:25,022 Maybe next week You can try and get To first base 287 00:15:25,024 --> 00:15:28,626 - with your dad. - dick: tommy! 288 00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,494 Bye-bye, dick. 289 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:38,302 I like the way You work. 290 00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:41,071 You looked, You saw, you took. 291 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,508 Now, can we lose Forrest gump over there? 292 00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,347 You're absolutely right. I'll go talk to him. 293 00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,486 I can handle this Myself. 294 00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:57,488 Please, sally, Let me kill him. 295 00:15:57,490 --> 00:16:00,324 - it'll look so good On my résumé. - the answer is no. 296 00:16:00,326 --> 00:16:02,626 Oh, sally, please. 297 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:04,795 - please. - ( sighs ) 298 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,498 All right. You want the job, It's yours, 299 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,500 But we do it my way. 300 00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,502 Hey, what's going on Over there? 301 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:14,638 The action's over here. 302 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,342 Coming! Okay, take this rock. 303 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:22,079 When you hear me say The words, "Big dipper," Bash him over the head. 304 00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:25,649 - can you do that? - prepare to be dazzled. 305 00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:29,787 ( owl hooting ) 306 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:34,692 - so you couldn't Shake him, huh, babe? - no. 307 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,694 Uh... 308 00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:40,063 Roy, look over there. It's the big dipper. 309 00:16:40,065 --> 00:16:42,065 - roy? - oh, yes. 310 00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:45,302 No, that's orion's belt. 311 00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,507 Excuse me. 312 00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,643 Give me the rock, rockhead! Now just stand guard. 313 00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,645 - prepare-- - shut up! 314 00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,519 You sure you don't mind Seeing this movie? 315 00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:03,854 Oh, no. Anne bancroft, 316 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,989 Olympia dukakis, And holly hunter? 317 00:17:05,991 --> 00:17:08,893 What teenage boy wouldn't Want to see this movie? 318 00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,264 August, do you get along With your family? 319 00:17:14,266 --> 00:17:17,435 No. My father doesn't Give me any credit. 320 00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,537 He still treats me Like a little kid. 321 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:23,040 - he doesn't recognize How old I am on the inside. - me, too. 322 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:26,176 - you know, we really have A lot in common. - yeah, we do. 323 00:17:26,178 --> 00:17:28,178 You really want To see this movie? 324 00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,548 There's no one In my house. 325 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,584 - I want to see The movie. - me, too! 326 00:17:33,586 --> 00:17:36,520 See how much We have in common? 327 00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,522 Two, please, For, um... 328 00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:40,491 "They came to talk." 329 00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:47,364 You're a big girl, Aren't you? 330 00:17:50,035 --> 00:17:52,803 You know what Really makes me hot? 331 00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,372 Tell me. 332 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,441 The back Of a man's head. 333 00:17:59,211 --> 00:18:02,379 Well, then feast Your eyes on this. 334 00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:05,716 - oh, yeah! - whoa! Dick is coming. 335 00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:08,085 Halt operation kilroy. 336 00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,056 Dick, What a pleasant surprise. 337 00:18:13,058 --> 00:18:15,092 You'll know this one. Now, is that the big dipper-- 338 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,328 Don't try to kiss up. Your ass is grass. 339 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:20,831 I can't believe You, roy. 340 00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,868 This is where that Ufo story always ends up-- 341 00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,970 You and a woman In a cornfield. 342 00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:28,005 You make me sick. 343 00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,240 I did not ask To be beamed 344 00:18:30,242 --> 00:18:33,276 On board that ship Of unspeakable horror. 345 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:36,747 Excuse me. Beamed? You said "Sucked." 346 00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:39,416 - no, I said "Beamed." - who heard "Sucked"? 347 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,223 - well, yeah. - you're lying. 348 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:47,591 - I'm lying. - he's lying. 349 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:49,560 I have had it With you. 350 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,395 Name one thing I did wrong tonight. 351 00:18:51,397 --> 00:18:55,032 You lied, You embarrassed me, You were yourself. 352 00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,236 Well, if you're Going to nitpick, 353 00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:01,471 - I'm leaving. - thank god. 354 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,674 So, I'll see you On mom's birthday? 355 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,844 - yeah. You want to Go in on a present? - nothing over 40 bucks. 356 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,779 You got it. 357 00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,286 I need a ride. 358 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,758 - oh, really? - sally. 359 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,159 Whatever. 360 00:19:23,696 --> 00:19:25,629 Hey, wait for me. 361 00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,101 - what just happened here? - what do you mean? 362 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:33,804 You're going to see him At your mom's birthday? 363 00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,674 Yeah. It's a birthday. He's family. 364 00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:41,045 So, no matter How obnoxious you are, 365 00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:43,814 How much of a burden You become, 366 00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:46,516 You can still count on The forgiveness Of your family? 367 00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:48,518 Yeah. 368 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,622 Even if they touch Your radio and refuse To make smoked chub 369 00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:53,624 And disobey your orders Not to kill? 370 00:19:56,295 --> 00:19:58,462 Yeah, even then. 371 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,900 That is so beautiful. ( gasps ) 372 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:04,868 I'm a brother. 373 00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:15,479 All right, dick, Come on. 374 00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:18,949 I disobeyed orders. I deserve some punishment. What'll it be? 375 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,685 Well, sally, Ordinarily I'd send you To some desolate moon 376 00:20:21,687 --> 00:20:23,687 And make you stand In a crater 377 00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:26,423 And think about What you've done, 378 00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:28,425 But I've realized 379 00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:31,495 That I've got to Accept your flaws And your inadequacies 380 00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:33,497 Because you're My sister now. 381 00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:36,133 And even though Sometimes you tick me off, 382 00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:39,469 I think I... I love you. 383 00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,009 - what? - you're my little sister, 384 00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,044 And I love you. 385 00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,146 Now, how does that Make you feel? 386 00:20:50,282 --> 00:20:52,549 Well, um... 387 00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:55,819 I want to blame you For everything and push You off the roof. 388 00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:58,188 Well, that's great, Because dr. Albright 389 00:20:58,190 --> 00:21:00,524 Loves her brother And she feels the same way. 390 00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:02,893 Great, 'cause That's how I feel. 391 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:05,729 - I'm so glad we've Got that settled. - me, too. 392 00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,731 Whoa! 393 00:21:07,733 --> 00:21:09,667 ( crashes ) 394 00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,704 I love you, too. 395 00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:17,074 Dick: I'm so happy! 396 00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:25,182 ( '50s rock music playing )